Muse: Temptation...
“I sit back and watch as her desires stare me in the eye, screeching for a way out. But no words to fulfill the gap between air and truth.” So I put my head down in shame, shame from all the lies, shame from all the hurt, all she wants me to do is tell her the truth but my words cannot.
I cannot even mumble the slightest hint of what I have become. And from all the judging people before her I do not trust she will not toss it back in my face later out of pure insanity and hatred. This ball of desire is growing bigger and bigger in my womb of guilt.
Fuck!, why can’t I just tell her who haunts me at night, why can’t I tell her the sex she provides for me isn’t enough anymore? why.
I can see in her eyes the domestic dispute that’s about to take place, if I can not explain to her these scars that I have. A big part of me wants to hold out and wait to see what kind of monster she might turn into.
My heart racing and eyes twitching the air begins to thicken from all the heat and tension that fills this room. She jumps out at me and reaches for my throat and misses the first time, so she tries again screaming she hurtles over the dining room table and misses me again.
With a slight smirk on my face I tell her to slow down and lets talk about it. At this point I am so turned on you can see my nipples edging at my shirt. She screamed out is this what you want?! Where is the delicate sunflower I fell in love with?, she asked.
After a bit of a tussle I grabbed her by the neck and began to squeeze. Angered in fight or flight rage had covered my eyes in fear. After I could hear her breath grasping for air and her voice humming against my fists, I snapped out of the red zone with a deep breathe. I began to claw away at my heart in an apologetic notion. She finally settled down with tears streaming down her face, I grabbed her by her face and kissed her lips. She is still here I whispered upon her lips.
I could not explain to her the two sides to me one that sexually craved pain, and the other that was still the innocent me. Where my words couldn’t take me I let my tongue do all the talking.
Glorified by the wonders of her rain dance I seek deeper into the woods of mother nature where she was created only to give back what was presented to me. Deeper and deeper into the rubble I go my hands, mouth and body covered in dirt oh how the essence of the earth has treated me with such grace, her back rooted vertically across the land in which she has invited both me and my knowledge of song. I wash her tears away making her forget temporarily what hurt my choking has caused."
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